Body image and ego

Because your self-loathing is deeper rooted. When feminism came about, there was definitely a lot of preaching of love thyself, big is beautiful EVERYONE is pretty.

But there is more to it than just that train of thought. We are taught that criticizing out sisters is bad, that we should laud them and give great applause and all that stuff. But we are subconsciously taught to criticize ourselves. And not that your parents shouted you down and called you fat and said you could only get A's in school or you'd be in big trouble. But people often hear from parents and peers "You could've done better" and "I'm disappointed in you" and stuff like that. It keeps sneaking in so that you constantly criticize yourself and can't see the good that there.

Look at how many posts are by women that are pre-qualified by some sort of excuse. "This vid of me I'm posting isn't that good because I was PMSing" "This bra I made isn't as cool as an RB bra" We want praise, and we are proud of what we do, but almost never as it stands up to other people's work.

Here's something to do: Do you have a boyfriend, dudefriend, brother, male person who will be honest with you? Not because I'm sexist, but because of a whole other list of subliminal thought patterns why if a woman praises (or criticizes) you, it won't hit as well.
Take this person, and have them watch you dance. Show them a video of someone of a similar size dancing. Ask them if you did as well, if your similar shapes lend themselves well to the dance. Does your costume flatter you as much? While he may not say your are so totally more fabulous, his words will hopefully be plain and true, without adding fluff to make you feel better. Then you WILL feel better because you will have gotten an objective view from someone you trust to not blow sunshine up your ass. ahem. Ask other people who's opinions you value. It's not fishing for compliments, it's getting an idea of what you do well, and what you need to work on. And by hearing so many views that are neither negative (yours) or fluffy and happy and useless, it will help you to feel what you want to. That you really are talented and just as pretty as that dancer you thought was so fabulous on stage last week.

Oh and by the by: You're not that big. Not even close to big, maybe what one would call not-a-stick. So feel better.

Button: First, You're beautiful. You may be totally covered in your photo, but I was having a hard time reconciling the photo with your words. You don't look like you could touch afraid-to-show-my-belly with a 10 foot pole. BUT.....we are all our own worst critics. I hope that you will get to the point where you feel comfortable enough in your own skin to wear that choli and hold your head high.

Octavia's comment reminded me of a thread I started in DIY along similar lines: tribes.tribe.net/diycostum...d6cbdc48c4

Best wishes, dear!