Slowly, one song, one drill, one dance at a time. It is, one of the best grips on reality I have. It's always there for me, patient, unconditional, unquestioning. It's mine, with me where ever i am, ready when ever I am. When ever you are <3
I'm sorry for your loss. Dance is a patient, passionate, unconditionally loving partner. You'll know.

Hello dearheart,

First let me say I am so sorry for your loss. I am sorry you have to be in the "Lost My Dad" club. I am a member, too, and also under sudden and tragic circumstances. My father took his own life. No hints, no clues, no note, no nothing. One day he was here, and the next he was gone leaving so many questions behind him.

The length of time it takes you to feel "normal" again...well, of course that is different for everyone. I don't think we ever go back to "before" when we lose someone as important as a parent (or spouse or beloved of any kind), and you need to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling and not try to push it or judge it. For me, going back to my routine was part of my healing. I was (and am) in a troupe that is like family to me, and getting back to dancing was theraputic on many levels, not the least of which the presence and support from my dance family. The next week after the funeral, we didn't dance. We just sat and talked through all my confusion. To this day I am so grateful for their thoughtful patience and listening.

As for dancing, I was back teaching dancing the week after that--so two weeks after the funeral. That was good *for me*. What is good *for you*...you need to suss that out. But there is no such thing as taking too long to work through your emotions when it comes to such a loss. And these feelings of love and loss can be carried into your dance, creating a more textured landscape to express in your art. One of my favorite examples of this is Sa'Elyssa's dance "For Grandmother". I wish I could remember what video it is from, and perhaps someone can remind me? It was so moving, sometimes I nearly tear up just remembering it.

At any rate, if it were a few months down the line and you were still feeling like you couldn't return to your regular routine, dance and work, etc, then I would recommend seeking a therapist who could help you. But at only a couple weeks, be patient and gentle with yourself. Self-care, self-love, and a little prayer from above.

*holding you in my heart as you heal*

Hugs.. I'm so sorry.

I lost my father 13yrs ago, but in essence I lost him at the tender age of 15, when he stopped calling and not answering my letters. His passing, was very unexpected and several states away but before my mom could tell me, I already knew, which shocked my mother. It was painful, but not so much the loss but all the unanswered questions that will never be answered and a granddaughter he never saw, even in pictures. Sometimes this loss still grabs hold and I cry. Knowing, despite the absence for so many years, my Dad loved me, helps me get through.

My grandfather, who raised me and my brothers through most of our lives, passed a few short years ago. He'd been sick for some time. I guess in a way I had time to prepare for what was inevitably coming, his passing. It still hurt deeply when he passed and I miss him so very much. When I go and visit my grandmother, it's not the same but I feel him there and am comforted even though physical he's not.

How we process our grief is individual and as different as night and day. Remember the good things in their lives, the love, the laughter and though it may be painful, for me it helped in healing inside. Those memories brought me warmth, when I felt cold. Both of those passings, I went back to work rather quickly and back to the daily grind of things. Going back to what was normal, familiar helped ease the pain and loss for a bit. I found that evenings where the roughest because then I had time to remember. I would call and talk to someone, mostly my mom, we have been there for each other through both the losses and in the sharing of grief we also began to repair the rift that developed when I was a youngster.

Sometimes we try to push ourselves to quickly to get back to the life before but everyday brings change, some more noticeable than others and some that bring immediate and drastic change. We are thrown for a loop and knocked off our axis and it takes time to get back to some steadiness. I wish I had a magic word to make it eaiser but I don't, but I hope that i've helped in some measure. {HUGS}

I can't completely sympathize because I have not lost a family member that close, and I'm sure it's very different for you. But I did want to share with you a recent loss in my life and my grieving periods and my therapy, which was dance.
One of my long time best friends died this summer. He lived with HIV/Aids for over 10 years and was strong for many of those years.
Dancing/ teaching was the only time that I didn't get upset over his death. I would break down at work, around the house, in the car, cleaning, everywhere except dancing. It was really therapy for me to have time in my day that wasn't stricken with sadness and an emptiness in my life. I also decided to get a tattoo of a bird with his name and birth years to celebrate his life and to selfishly always carry him with me.

I know that this is a unique exception, but please accept that every single person grieves differently. It's your own experience, and you need to go through it however it happens, and that it's okay!

I don't know if there is ever an exact moment when you think "Okay, I am ready to move on." Rather you live life one moment at a time at first and then take it day by day and week by week. As stated so eloquently from everyone who has posted, there is no prescribed length of time as it is so individualistic but it does become easier.

So very sorry for your loss, I too lost my father to lung cancer when I was 9 and spent last Friday burying an aunt. What I have found is that we find strength in places we never thought we had and we go on, suprisingly, amazingly just as those who have come before us. The human spirit is quite strong.

Its never a bad idea to find someone to talk to if it becomes too difficult or even if it doesn't. Having the added burden of now being a full time caregiver can be overwhelming ( I speak from experience!). Strength comes not from keeping to yourself but in reaching out. Surrounding yourself with a strong family and community has always been ( and continues to be ) a great source of comfort for me.

Let the music play softly for now or not at all, someday soon though you'll find yourself turning the volume up...and...may you do it with reckless abandon. ;)

I want to start by saying that I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. It's such an awful feeling to loose a parent. I read this last night but was unable to respond until this morning. I was sitting here at my computer feeling sad myself missing my dad who died 19 years ago due to suicide on 10/23/1990 when I read your post. It took me back to how raw and painful those feelings were in the first few months after he died and it is only natural that you are not finding joy right now while your heart is broken. I think little by little you will find yourself getting back to being yourself. Dance will be there for you when you are ready and will welcome you with open arms. In the mean time, lean on your family and friends, reach out to your sisters and take care of yourself both physically and emotionally.